There are studies that show that in many cases, long-distance relationships (hereinafter LDR) are, surprisingly, even better than proximal relationships. However, some may argue that things cannot work like that because everyone knows at least a few couples who broke up after the distance separated them. Well, this happens too.
Nevertheless, social and psychological researches show that LDR work more often than many people think. What is the secret? In part, it is in the romantic idealization, idealistic distortion, positive reminiscence, and perceived agreement. And in a few more specific things that allow couples to stay together, too. That is what this article is about. We are not going to focus on the theoretical background of LDR — we will transform theoretical knowledge into practical tips that make this kind of relationship work!
1. Uncertainties can ruin your relationship, so get rid of them
Of course, there are certain things that can ruin relationships. Uncertainties are one of the main reasons why people who are in LDR break up. The results of social research by Katherine Maguire show that people who are not sure about the future, i.e., partners who are not certain about ever living in the same place as their mates were more anxious, distressed, less satisfied than who discussed their future reunion and were more certain about it.
This is not something unexpected, right? We all need guarantees, so if you want your LDR to last long and be happy, do not hesitate to share your thoughts and expectations about your future together.
2. Create the ideal circumstances by choosing the right communication options
Another interesting fact is that people in long-distance relationships and couples in proximal relationships often demonstrate an equal level of satisfaction. But what about lack of perfect circumstances, contacts, hugs, kissing, regular dates? This is the context of the modern world — you can use tons of communication options from email and instant messaging to texting and video calls to keep connected to each other despite the physical distance.
That is why the mail order bride websites provide all these communication services — their clients’ success (in this case, it is marriage or long-term committed relationships) is their success, and they realize that all the above-mentioned things are the key. It was even proved that there is no significant difference between the investments these couples have — they often same almost equal amount of time with each other, and that proves that your happiness depends only on you.
3. Make sure that you are both committed to your relationship
Unfortunately, we all have illusions sometimes. You probably heard a lot of stories in which one partner was committed to a relationship and thought that another partner was committed too, and then realized that this was nothing but an illusion.
We do not recommend you “interrogate” your mate to learn the truth — just keep your eyes open.
It is proved that if someone is in a relationship just to see how it goes, it will not last long. If your partner is really committed, building this relationship definitely makes more sense. Of course, if you are the one who is not committed, think about letting it go. Things will hardly become better.
4. Honesty and mutual trust are still important
Being suspicious all the time is a dead end. You will not find the exit. Trust in relationships was widely discussed by psychologists, and there were plenty of studies aimed at proving that you should or should not be honest with your partner. Now, it is clear that those who claimed that honesty was important were right. Jealousy, suspicions, and doubts can ruin everything.
No, you should not talk how jealous you are every time when your mate meets friends. No one likes being lectured and punished. Just say how you feel once or twice and let your mate express his or her feelings. You need one or two honest conversations to become stronger as a couple, to get rid of jealousy and negative emotions. However, it should not be your daily routine. Find the fine line between mutual trust and mutual complaints.
5. Third parties do not make your relationships stronger
Speaking of jealousy — third parties are not welcomed. If you ask a few people you know what pissed them off most when they were dating someone for a long time, at least a few of them will mention close friends who spent too much time with their mates.
No, we do not want to say that you need to forget about friendship or lie to your girlfriend or boyfriend. We called honesty and mutual trust the core things that make relationships happier, and we still believe they are crucially important.
We just mean that you should not provoke your partner by talking about your friend all the time, discussing this you do together, showing how much you like you spend time together, mentioning your special jokes, etc. If you are the one who is jealous in your long-distance relationships, remind yourself that people have friends, and that is absolutely normal. If something is really suspicious and annoying, just talk about this once. If your partner really needs you, she or he will listen to you.
6. Focus not only on a relationship but also on your own interests
This is the last but not the least thing we would like to mention. It is really important to have other interesting and important things in life for both partners. When one of them focuses on their relationship only, he or she feels the lack of attention, love, warm words, whatever, and not only because another partner just does not give enough love and care.
In most cases, this happens because one of them also has hobbies, is studying, building a career, spending time with friends, etc., so he or she does not think about another partner every second. This is good, actually. Another partner who focuses only on relationships becomes fully dependent and also demanding. This, in turn, leads to conflicts and sometimes even ruins the strongest relationships.
We used to think that long-distance relationships and the so-called proximal relationships are significantly different. Moreover, we used to think that PR has a lot of advantages over LDR. However, it is not exactly true. Everything depends on a couple, and it is possible that other things being equal, LDR will be even happier due to “romantic idealization, idealistic distortion, positive reminiscence, and perceived agreement”.
The first thing everyone who is going to start LDR needs to understand that there is a real chance to be happy for both partners. This relationship can work if you do everything right or at least correct mistakes you make. Move on to the next stage only after this: choose the best country to find a foreign wife or girlfriend, say your friend in college that you like her no matter if she is leaving or not, choose a perfect messenger to keep in touch with a colleague who is more than just a colleague, and so on and so forth. Do whatever you need to do, but after you prove yourself that you are doing the right thing.