In short, it is complicated. Mail order bride business is complex and controversial, but it does not mean that nothing can be said about it. Some facts can help one understand what exactly is going on in this industry and what to expect if you are going to date and marry a foreign woman you met online. Of course, we discuss the most interesting and illustrative of them below.
What women expect to get from foreign men?
Firstly, let us talk about mail order bride meaning. The definition of this term is as follows:
“Mail order brides, otherwise known as the potential bride-to-be, are typically from the developing parts of the world and usually from less privileged backgrounds. These women register with MOB agencies hoping to find a suitable marriage partner.”
It emerged as a spontaneous phenomenon but soon turned into a for-profit business. No wonder people think it is all about money, but it is not exactly true. So, let us take a look at things that really make ladies marry foreigners.
Desire for career growth or for a big family?
Mail order brides are usually promoted as marriage-minded ladies who want to have a family most. And that is true. However, you may be surprised to know that there are also ladies who move to such countries as the USA to get more respect from their husbands or employers. Some of them even want to get both, and we cannot blame them for this.
A 22-year-old old maid?
It is also about social pressure. More conservative, old-school societies set their rules, and single women need to follow them. For example, a woman in her late or even in her early twenties can be considered old maids. Marrying an American guy, however, is considered prestigious. Hence, for them, it is a great way to get a higher social status immediately.
It is all about stability
Yes, this aspect is definitely related to financial or rather economic well-being, but it is not exactly about money. When people ask something like “Do mail order brides marry men because of their money,” they think about clothes, jewelry, lipsticks, and a good house a bride gets. There is a mistake. Yes, stability is one of the reasons why these girls start to think about such an option, but the truth is it is about other benefits: better education, better health care system, financial opportunities, social security, and other things like that.
Do new impressions matter?
A lot of people ignore this reason, but it matters.
As Valeriya Sorokina, a bride from Ukraine notes, “she never wanted to blend in or have a simple life — she wanted hers to be complex and colorful.”
Yes, that is right. Many women who marry foreign guys do it in part because they seek new emotions, new impressions, and adventures.
Is it a mutual agreement or what do men expect to get from foreign wives?
Are mail order brides legal? Yes, they are, as you use dating services. No one literally buys anyone. Nevertheless, though you can see that ladies have the more complex motivation, some may say that it is still an agreement. If so, is this agreement mutually beneficial? What do husbands expect and what do they get?
Simply put, it depends. As one of those who married notes, a man can get a better life he wants. “We have a little girl. We get along pretty good. I know that she married me to get a better life. I married her to get a better life, so that’s OK with me,” he says. The expected “improvement” is mostly related to the fact that foreign girls are less career-minded and “spoiled,” so men can get “better” wives. In general, this shows how a “mutually beneficial” marriage works — both partners know what they want, and they build a family, get what they want, and are happy. Not bad, right?
Of course, there are also stories about true love. Yes, people tell them not as often as horror stories, but still — today, we can interview adult children raised by couples that started as a western guy + a mail order bride, and they often say that it started as a mutually beneficial agreement but then turned into a love story.
Horror stories about mail order brides or what about the abuse?
But why do we all hear all those horror stories about abusive husbands? Because bad things happen. Some interesting social studies were done, and the results prove that there are two types of stories about foreign brides: stories of women who experience a fulfilling life with a loving man and a “beautiful” marriage and of women who experience abuse and a premature end to a promising life. A girl can meet a creepy guy, and it will not last long. A guy can meet a gold digger, and that would be a bad experience, too. Fortunately, there are some tricks that can help brides and single men avoid such a scenario.
So, are relationships with mail order brides only about money?
All men who are choosing mail order brides want to know what relationships with these girls are really like. The truth is marriages with these women are different. Some say that the decision to find a mail order wife was the best decision they have ever made. And some say that this was the worst choice ever. This, by the way, is true both for men and brides. Still, there is another question we need to answer. Are mail order brides all about money? The short answer is “no.”
It would be wrong to say that it is all about money. Still, it is usually about the combination of various factors, and this can be said about mail order brides, as well as about men.
Women often get married to foreigners because of the political or economic situation, education for children, desire to start a healthy relationship after the divorce, desire for stability and family, etc. Men, in turn, want to recover from the divorce, find a prettier, more married-minded wife, have kids, get a mother to their children from previous marriages, and so on.
In other words, both parties want certain things AND love. It would be weird not to want something that can make your life even better. Do they get it? Yes, there are many happy couples who met each other online, on mail order bride sites. Are there unhappy marriages? Yes, unfortunately, there are some very sad stories, and they can be divided into two categories: stories of victims and abusers and stories of people who made the wrong choice. The scenario depends on a few things: luck, how good you know what you are looking for, and how good you are as a spouse.
Still, there is the only thing we know for sure. Mail order brides are not only about money. It just would be too simple.